*sighs* I absolutely hate tests. I love learning, but I hate memorizing stuff in a big hurry. In fact, I'm horribly bad at it.

I didn't do well on my practical exam today. It was nervous, anxious and tried my best. But trying your best doesn't mean much when you can't remember the answer and it's short answer. I hope I passed. I think I knew enough to pass.

After 1 term test, 1 practical test and 1 in-class assignment, I am freakin' tired. I am in no mood or have the energy to study for the midterm tomorrow morning. Totally not prepared for that one. Should have started studying for it last week like my friends. Sorry girls, but I can only do one thing at a time.

Will I know enough to pass? I honestly don't know, hope so but I have no idea. I mean, I worked hard during the lectures/labs to make sure I knew what I was doing. But sometimes it's not enough. Sadly.

I know that a 60% is a pass, but isn't it bad to know the minimal? Considering that they don't expect us to achieve 100% and remember every single thing, how much do we have to know? 60% of what's taught to us and it's good enough?

I was told that they're rather hire students who have a 70% but understand rather than a student with 80's. That begs the question, if you get 80's doesn't that mean you understand the material better? I don't get it. I really really don't.

Honestly, I don't think I can do this. Just because I 've been getting good marks only means that they've been easy on us. Heh. Sadly, I know it's true.

I'm tired, anxious, depressed and want to give up on everything in this world. But I don't have the nerve to kill myself. It'd be nice if I just died in place of someone who got into an accident. I mean, they don't want to die. Their loved ones don't want them to die. So why can't I just take their place?

The title of this blog stems from a phrase I invented for my microbiology test to remember the things bacteria need to grow. Cakes Not Pies Sweets Me Eats -> carbon, nitrogen, phophorus, (can't remember), metal ions and energy

Guess it wasn't that great *laughs*

This is going to be a place where I can rant and rant without worrying that I'm clogging someone's friend's page or inbox. I tend to write a lot. It's a way to talk through my problems.

I wrote an email to a friend last night on in an urgent kind of way. If I was on the verge of killing myself, I'd be dead by now. Heh. I know people aren't necessarily as obsessive as I am when it comes to email checking, but don't you think it's serious when someone writes an email to you ...and pouring their heart out? It makes me want to reassess my priorities. If you're too busy to read about things I want to discuss with you, I really shouldn't consider you a close friend. I mean, doesn't it mean that you're too busy for me? Too many other friends in your life.

I don't see my friends very often cause they're far away. As in, not even in the same city kind of thing. What can I do? I don't want to drift apart cause they're people I care about.

At the same time, if you can't even remember where my boyfriend's from...and I've been dating him for two years, that's kind of sad, don't you think? Are you still my friend if you don't seem to remember these things? I remember most things you've told me (which isn't very much)

I guess it just means that I'm not meant to be friends with people who are very social. I just can't help but only have a small group of friends. Heh. Sad, I know.

I'm feeling very anxious right now. A pile of midterms in front of me and I feel like I don't know enough. Just have to keep telling myself that I only need to pass. It will be okay. It will be okay. I'll manage to write something down during the test. Ne?